How to Buy Happiness with Brachs Mellowcreme Pumpkins

Friday, September 2nd, 2011 by Jessica Prokop

It’s Mellowcreme Pumpkin season. The stampede commenceth!

Not since the (now long past) beginning of Cadbury Mini Egg Season have specific-seasonal-candy fanatics been faced with such great opportunity. But with great potential for joy comes the threat of another year of strife! The time for Brachs Mellowcreme Pumpkin aficionados to act is now.

Thanks to CandyFavorites, you can stock up on Brachs Mellowcreme Pumpkins now. You can have them delivered to your door or directly to the person who hides secret deliveries for you. And you can receive them in a rare and profoundly satisfying 5-lb shipment. Don’t count on grocery or drug stores. Other people are staking out the truck-arrival times! (You work during the truck arrival times!) Get your Mellowcreme Pumpkins now, and not only will you have all the Mellowcreme-y goodness you could ever need. You’ll also be master of your domain.

As with any passion, we bond over our love of Brachs Mellowcreme Pumpkins. Over our frustration with Harvest Mix, over whether to cream them, over whether they actually contain fat. These passions cause us to lose friends, too. (But, you know, more Pumpkins for you when that happens.) But if applied correctly, Mellowcreme Pumpkins can be transformed into first-rate social currency. Here’s how to have happiness (not just, “Ooooh, I have so many Mellowcremes happiness.” That, plus real, legit, all-of-life happiness).

How to make Brachs Mellowcreme Pumpkins = Happiness:

  • Order our 5 lb. bag of Brachs Mellowcreme Pumpkins. < (Just click this link!)
  • Hide roughly half of them from yourself. This should be fairly simple, as you just have to entrust them to a friend who genuinely couldn’t care less.
  • Enjoy your roughly 2.5-pound personal stash.
  • Talk incessantly to your Brachs-Mellowcreme-Pumpkin-loving friends about how much you’re enjoying said stash.
  • Wait until they’re impossible to find in stores. This may involve waiting through about 1 hour of post-Halloween candy-clearance time. Encourage your friends to have unflagging determination to find a treasure trove of clearance Pumpkins. Also reinforce the absolute truth that only Brachs Mellowcreme Pumpkins are actually Mellowcreme Pumpkins and that no generic substitute could ever sate their ever-growing need for the real deal.
  • Recover your hidden 2.5 pounds of Pumpkins from your patient, if befuddled, friend, mentioned in step 2.
  • Determine whether you can part with some of your stashed Pumpkins, or if you need to buy another 5 lb. bag from Candy Favorites.
  • Portion out whatever quantity of Mellowcreme Pumpkins you’re willing to share. (These don’t have to be equal, and portion sizes can certainly be in proportion to the amount that you care for and enjoy the company of each friend. Don’t forget to include a portion for yourself for the middle of summer.)
  • Surprise your friends with delightful deliveries. Don’t just say, “Of course I’ll share my Mellowcreme Pumpkins with you, my dear friend.” Make it a big deal. Because it is a big deal. We’re talking about giving away your rations of life-sustaining goodness!
  • Receive whatever you want most in life — love, glory, honor, accolades, forgiveness, peace, and the end of hunger in your lifetime (only amongst your friends, of course, and with regard to the very specific hunger for Brachs Mellowcreme Pumpkins.)

If this doesn’t work, make new friends. They’ve clearly been deceiving you with a false, less-than-all-in sort of love for Mellowcreme Pumpkins. And when someone does that, you’ve no use for them. You, after all, are a person who will share your favorite hard-to-find thing out of the goodness of your heart ;-)

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One Response to “How to Buy Happiness with Brachs Mellowcreme Pumpkins”

  1. [...] Brach’s Mellowcreme Pumpkins – These squat little treats are absolutely polarizing. While some avid fans pick through their friends’ Autumn Mix and hoard them, other kids will [...]

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